just a few weeks...

I thought I would be stronger, tougher... but I am not.
I miss him terribly. I feel alone, lonely. I am wearing my mask again, I hope I can keep it on a bit longer.
My depression kicked back in last week and it doesn't want to leave again, although I tried to get back on my feet.
This whole situation is wearing me out. Being alone, hardly having friends, not really having something to do, the lack of money because I am not allowed to work and above all this constant fear because of my immigration process. We got a request for evidence, I answered last week, but did not hear anything back, also no word about my biometrics appointment. I just want this whole thing already to be over, to be sure that I can stay here or to hear that I have to leave. the latter would crush me, him, us and I don't really even want to think about it, but it keeps crawling into my mind when I don't keep my guards up.
All this waiting. I feel helpless because there is nothing I can do.
It is such a horrible feeling to totally be at the mercy of the USCIS.
I just want to be able to live with the man I love, to wake up next to him every morning, to have a life together, to be able to start planning a family...

mission "skinny bitch"

this week = SUCCESS. at least a little one.
the scale showed me 172,5lbs this morning. yeah.

yesterday I had soda and ate out at freebirds burritos. but for today I only had granola so far.
The rest of the week contained of rice&beans, potatoes, broccoli & "chickn", ramen noodles 'pimped' with veggies, edamame snacks and healthy sandwiches.

my week 1+2.

last night out.

fav hobby: making silly faces.

having fun, playing rambo.

sad face.

7am dog walks.

freya and occupy bed.

my work schedule.

weird texas weather.

oh america...

lunch break with battle star galactica.

my best mere is back.

cuddles.

my best friend sent me this.

I need to do something with this hair.

wearing my wedding tutu.

the last few days...

lunch break.

The hubster left last thursday. Since then I am alone here. It feels weird.

I mean... we have always been in a long distance relationship until October 2011, but when we were apart, I had my old life with university, my friends and my job. 

Now,being in Austin, everything is different.. I haven't had the chance yet to make many new friends, my best friend Meredith is currently in Germany and I don't have a job... and most importantly by thursday I won't have a car which really will be the biggest pain in the ass.  

So, I am sitting at home, being a housewife and taking care of the dog. 

And waiting for the next steps to take in my AOS process. If only this would go faster... 

I am thinking about stuff to do around the house, in my area without spending money. Maybe re-doing this 30day photo project I did last year on my tumblr... hmm.

Any ideas???