just a few weeks...

I thought I would be stronger, tougher... but I am not.
I miss him terribly. I feel alone, lonely. I am wearing my mask again, I hope I can keep it on a bit longer.
My depression kicked back in last week and it doesn't want to leave again, although I tried to get back on my feet.
This whole situation is wearing me out. Being alone, hardly having friends, not really having something to do, the lack of money because I am not allowed to work and above all this constant fear because of my immigration process. We got a request for evidence, I answered last week, but did not hear anything back, also no word about my biometrics appointment. I just want this whole thing already to be over, to be sure that I can stay here or to hear that I have to leave. the latter would crush me, him, us and I don't really even want to think about it, but it keeps crawling into my mind when I don't keep my guards up.
All this waiting. I feel helpless because there is nothing I can do.
It is such a horrible feeling to totally be at the mercy of the USCIS.
I just want to be able to live with the man I love, to wake up next to him every morning, to have a life together, to be able to start planning a family...

in 2012.

my biggest new year´s resolution is to lose 50lbs during the next year.
I gained weight due to stress and depression in the last years. this is the year to get rid of it again.
And I am making it public and official by sharing the process in this blog.