epiphany

Last night I had a dream... and an epiphany.

I dreamt of my exboyfriend.
And I thought I am over it,  that I  don't love him anymore.
But... I do, I still do. At least the picture of him, the picture of me with him, us.
I didn't lose my love for him, I just lost hope.

He was the first guy in my life that I wanted the whole "lets get married and have children, stay together for the rest of our lives" thing.
But it did not work out. I blame it on him to be honest.
So, I lost hope.
That's the truth.

And please, don't get me wrong, I love my husband more than anything.
He is the guy to spend my life with.
The dad to my children, hopefully sooner or later as we are trying ;)

I just had to get this out of my system.

ttc.

I guess with yesterday we are ttc.

I am still skeptic as the hubster was skeptic the whole time.

After losing his brother and best friend 3 weeks ago he came home yesterday, telling me he wants to make a baby as life is too short.

13th

my last post was on february 13th, aaaaaaages ago.
But I am trying to make my comeback here, so bear with me...
nothing but a lot has happen.
I am too tired to write it down today, but I am getting there.

mission "skinny bitch"

still wavering around 173lbs. this morning 173,4lbs to be exact.
I am trying to keep the healthy food and attitude up, but for now, with my mood, my depression kicking in plus this awful cold front, I don't have enough energy...
This week weather should be getting better again, I will try to get more out of the house and hope that sun will wake me up in the mornings,  because that always makes me feel better immediately.
chin up. high hopes.

hiatus.

I am not feeling good lately. I don't have enough energy for posting on my blog. bare with me. I will be back.

USCIS stuff.

"Application Type: I765 , APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT AUTHORIZATION.
Your Case Status: Card/ Document Production:
On February 9, 2012, we ordered production of your new card." 

It's a start!!!! 

things I love.

I love Gossip Girl.
Especially CHUCK BASS.
I am currently re-watching it. Made it up to Season 3 since Saturday!